BREAKING NEWS

When Julie Swetnick accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of organizing gang rape parties, she said there were witnesses who could verify her accusation. Unfortunately, one of them is dead. Undaunted, CNN and the New York Times have announced a joint undertaking to interview the dead witness. CNN president Jeff Zucker said, “We’ll keep digging to get to the bottom of the allegations against Judge Kavanaugh. We’ve hired a medium to hold a seance and communicate with the dead witness.” New York Times publisher Pinch Sulzberger said, “We have to get this dead witness on the record. Death can’t stand in the way of the truth.”

Democrats have already demanded a new round of hearings, though they’re concerned the testimony will be a little stiff. New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand stated, “I believe the dead because they are bravely and courageously coming forward. I mean, what do they have to gain? They’re dead.” Republicans have hired an independent medium to question the dead, fearing that if living white men question the witness, they will be seen as anti-dead. Democrat Senator from Hawaii Maize Hirono said, “the dead should be believed and the living should shut up.”

A senior official at CNN has said there are likely many more dead witnesses who want to come forward to testify to the committee.

A Democrat Senator speaking on condition of anonymity said, “I’m optimistic that the dead will testify in our favor. After all, they always vote for us.”

A COUNTRY BROUGHT LOW

Democrats always aim for the lowest intellectual and moral common denominator, but the Senate hearings to vet Supreme Court nominee Bret Kavanaugh have marked a new low.

The hearings have been an orchestrated circus. Democrat operatives disguised as protesters disrupted the hearings. Many were forcibly removed, but the Democrats added to this theater of the absurd. California Senator Dianne Feinstein had received a letter from Dr. Christine Ford alleging that Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her 36 years ago. Feinstein sat on the letter for two months before dropping this dirty bomb just before a vote to recommend Kavanough to the full Senate.

Dr. Ford wanted to remain anonymous but Democrats outed her, forcing her to testify to the Senate and the nation. She testified in five-minute intervals, each followed by Democrat fawning. Cross-examinations rely on momentum; the goal is to put the witness on the defensive to get at the truth. Republicans never exposed the gaping holes in Ford’s story. It’s been said the difference between the political parties is that Democrats are shameless and Republicans are gutless. The failed cross-examination of Dr. Ford proves it.

Democrat Senators Booker, Blumenthal and Harris added to the spectacle. Feigning outrage, they walked out of the hearing. Any place is improved by their leaving.

Now Kavanaugh will have his seventh FBI background check. Democrats say this is the gold standard, but every key witness has already testified or has been deposed under oath. Not one of them corroborates Dr. Ford’s allegation, and in any case, the witnesses can’t change what they’ve already said lest they commit perjury.

Michelle Obama once famously exhorted Democrats to climb out of the rhetorical gutter, saying, “When they go low (Republicans), we go high.” But what Democrats do is go low, and then go lower.

Michael A. Morrongiello, Ph. D.